The Silent Tower

It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory.
~W. Edwards Deming

If you read regularly, you may have noticed some skips and starts over the last couple of weeks. Well, I’ve had a full class load in addition to 30+ hours a week at work. Now, I know that’s not really all that much, and that lots of other people have dealt with the same thing and get along just fine. All in all, I’m doing alright – but by the end of the week I start to feel like I’ve been running double-days. School, then home to change clothes, then off to work. By the time I get home, I really just want to zone for a while. Not the best response mind, but the one that most readily presents itself

I’ve also been doing a bit of thinking. It’s ranged all the way from what I’m planning to do with my life to what I find attractive in a guy. The foundation stones haven’t changed any, but it’s sorta like someone took their thumb and smudged everything else a little. Strange as it may sound, I’m not really perceiving or seeing this as a bad thing.

I’ve been thinking about my faith – how it is grounded in what I know, in what is known, and how it has been built up with the experiences I have had and the things I have learned in the course of my life. It is in my faith that I find the lyrics for the song that has whispered through my life the entirety of the time I have been alive.

And now, I’m learning a bit more about hope. Personally, I see it as the way in which we deal with the future – with the unknowable, that which has yet to be revealed. And I see it as something sensual – learning the movements that flow from acknowledging the gentle pressures and tuggings that lack apparent founding. Hope for me is learning the dance that allows me to live every moment of my life exactly as I want to, exactly as I should, so that I am the most completely me.

I never let my schooling get in the way of my education
~Mark Twain

Now, seeing as how to I’m going to school and all, that one might seem a little counter-intuitive What I take away from it is how, even as we immerse ourselves in our classes, there are other things just as – if perhaps not even more – important than what we get out of our books. And those lessons are ones we can learn in a variety of schools. I think there are a lot of people out there who have degrees, but the mark of their accomplishment isn’t some piece of paper they can hang on the wall.

I’m one of those people who, when I play a video game, is more than happy to hunt down every one of the little shiny bits that the developers may have hidden throughout the adventures. I like to do it, just to say that I have, but also because there are often little awards/rewards that you can earn or unlock by taking the time to find everything. Many times you wind up with at least a subscreen, perhaps a shelf in a base, maybe even a whole room – all just for a place that displays all the things you’ve earned or found.

I wish sometimes that people had little shelves like that, or maybe a book – or a charm bracelet. Some of the ornaments would be shiny, well polished and worn. Others may be tarnished, twisted, or mangled. I bet you there are more charms on there than the person ever even remembers getting. But if we could point it out, say, “What’s the spindle one for?” – then .. then we would hear some stories, and we would learn some things that we had never heard before.

Fear dances with courage.
~Ever Garrison

There is a dream I had, I don’t remember how long ago, but there are details of it I do remember. I remember that the people there were fighting to hold on, because something awful had happened. I remember that there were some truly grizzly “displays” in some of the bombed out husks of buildings – storefronts laden with unsavory wares.

What I remember most is a dance.

There were two individuals, or at least it seemed that way. There were times when I was spinning along as one/both of them, others where I was watching, and yet others where it was as if I was looking over sketches someone had made of the figures.

The smaller figure was covered in a solid orange latex suit – think like superhero tight. The larger was covered in a solid blue suit. As they/we danced and spun, it was one set of movements, one set of motions. In fact, as you watched, the two seemed to be melting, one into the other. Always there was the head of the larger of the two resting on the shoulder of the smaller, comforting and carrying. When the dance ended, the weight had not passed, but there was only one person left standing.

Fear is that little man in me – ready to run and hide at every opportunity. But when I choose instead to stand, Courage is there with me – cradling and carrying. And we dance, we move together, until there is but one individual left standing.

Though my bones may tremble and shake, by my choice they support me, and there-in I find strength and comfort that allows me to carry on and through each day.

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.
~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

This is something I contemplate from time to time. I’ve broken it down into the ideas of masks, shields, and walls. This quote would definitely fall into the masks part ^^

To me, masks are those things we use to convince others – and ourselves – that something we wish to present is true. In saying a thing, and acting on it, we do indeed embed it within ourselves. Given enough time, in most cases we will make this thing true – or as true as it can be, when what we work with is not truth.

Daily, I try to find the masks that I may wear – to identify them and determine why I wear them. I work toward removing more and more of them each day. Honestly, I would prefer that what people see – is Me ^_^

Hope is the dream of a soul awake.
~French Proverb

Pretty good day ^^ Classes went well, and work was alright. Definitely going to crash tonight though, as didn’t get quite enough sleep last night.

Once I found this quote, I just sat and stared at it for a while. There’s really not much I can add. In those few short words, everything that needs be said truly has been.

Many of us stumble about in a lethargic stupor – whether that be physical, mental or emotional. I know there are times when I am so drained that I can almost reach the point where I can barely see beyond the end of my nose so to speak. I’ve come very close to that place from time to time, but fortunately was not allowed to remain there.

As the stupor is slowly burned away, I find that it is Hope that increases. It is Hope that begins to fill the barren spaces, and allows them to grow and flourish. Hope becomes the response to the cries that – whether good intentioned or vicious – would claim that there is nothing more than learning to existence and carving out a place to hide your treasures.

I believe there is more to life, and it is this waking dream that carries me through each day.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
~Mother Teresa

Today was pretty good. Was at work for the first half of the day, and things were pretty slow. Speed up a little bit just before close, but that was about all. Discovered yesterday evening that my the lead for my department has given her two weeks – I’m wondering how they plan on working this one out o_o

If you have need of peace, I would suggest helping someone else find it. Then both of you will be better prepared for whatever may arise next.

Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
~Bible

There have been a few things I’ve been trying to figure out for a while now – things that kept coming up over and over again, every time I worked toward moving forward. Over time, I’ve begun to learn how to deal with most of them, but there are still cases where I .. fell flat on my face, would be the easiest way to put it.

The last few days, things have worked themselves a little bit differently – and it’s been rather nice. The difference being, though I was dealing with the same issues, I approached them from a different angle. And it wasn’t intentional to start with – though it is now ^_^;

There is so much brokenness out there – and though I say I have no desire to seek it out or study it – sometimes I still seem to forget that there can be something more. Then it has to sneak up on me. It’s rather nice when it does, ’cause I always wind up learning something fairly valuable

The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard, but must be felt with the heart.
~ Helen Keller

Pretty good week – though I’m definitely glad that Friday has come and the weekend is upon us. Downtime is a blessing to be most certain. Doesn’t always feel like I get that much, but every little bit helps.

Once I made it in from school, I read a bit, took an inadvertent nap, and just surfed for a while. Actually spent a rather large amount of time surfing YouTube, just watching various videos. I see now how that can be so engrossing and suck people in for a while ^_^

Sleep comes next – and I’m definitely looking forward to that.

The drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence but by oft falling.
~Lucretius

There are a number of things I wish to accomplish in my life. Some of them I have a fairly concrete idea for, others are still piecing themselves together at the back of my mind. But they are there, of that I have no doubt.

The how of it all? That I’m still learning, from moment to moment. But there are always little things – single steps that seem to creep up out of the gloomy morass that would consume everything round-about. When I take one, in time the next becomes apparent, and then the next – and they continue on, as long as I am willing to follow. And with each step, the hazy shifts just a bit – not lightening so much, but letting a glimpse of form, of pattern, slip through and pull me onward.

Little steps, one after another – forming a dance that carries me. The farther I go, the more steps I take, the more confident I become. And the bindings I have placed upon myself grow ever thinner, until they wear through, and fall away.

You’ve got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you’re not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.
~Steven D. Woodhull

This was a pretty good day ^^

Had classes as usual, but there was something interesting in all of them. Being Wednesday, it was also the day I switch out class periods for H&W so I can go to Tai Chi class. And that was great I love every minute of that class, though my legs are still a little sore

EcoSci was quite good as well, though I was late to the lecture section (as the teacher knew I would be). For our lab, actually wound up watching a presentation about Global Destabilization by one Dr Orr, that he had presented at the MSU campus some time not to long ago. The information he had to offer – especially considering the part he has played – is absolutely fascinating. It was one of those types of talks that makes you go, “And I was planning on doing what again today?”

Didn’t have to work in the evening ( yeah! ^_^! ) so I just relaxed around the house. Wound up running a load of dishes. Also ran to the grocery store and bought a few groceries. It’s nice to be able to do a little cooking

A good day really, and I’m thankful for the bit if slow-down it offered in a rushing week.